Communication within my secondary math classroom has always been an area where improvement is needed. Whether it be my ability to converse with an apathetic learner or my learners’ struggles in verbalizing their understanding of the concepts they are trying to master. A dialogue must be established to convey one’s stance on issues and concerns to other important actors. A Crucial Conversation is a conversation where stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong (Grenny et al., 2021). These interchanges can happen at any moment and situation in our lives. They happen with our loved ones or with our colleagues at work.
While navigating Crucial Conversations, I discovered a lot of weaknesses on my part when it comes to these important conversations. For instance, I am an emotional person. While this is not always a bad thing, amid an important discussion, it can render finding a solution impossible. We must be able to listen, as well as know what to say for others to understand where we are coming from and where we want to go.
In Crucial Conversations, Grenny et al. gave readers nine principles to work through for successful conversations with others. The beauty of their research is that one can use it with any Crucial Conversation. The nine principles (2021) are:

There are several of the principles presented that stood out to me as areas I struggle with and would find beneficial personally to having a deeper understanding of them.
Choose Your Topic
The dialogue needs to begin as a monolog. We must internalize and reflect on exactly what issue needs to be addressed. The type of issue is also determined in this first principle. To determine which level of conversation is necessary, we must unbundle the issue (Grenny et al., 2021). Use the acronym CPR to recall the three levels of conversation. If this is the first time the action or concern is being addressed, it is a Content issue. If the issue is a Process or Pattern issue, the action or concern has come up again. Grenny et al. refer to it as a pattern due to its repeatedly presented as a topic of concern. If actions and issues remain unaddressed for a prolonged period, the impact on Relationships is inevitable. By deconstructing the actions or issues, we receive clarity on the situation. With this clearness, we can determine what we really want from the others involved in the situation.
Start with Heart
It is not really about what we say, rather how we say it. We need to start with ourselves. Where we come from does play a part. Keeping the needs of others and yourself at the forefront will lead to a solution-based discussion. Our emotions and mindset must be focused. To engage effectively in a Crucial Conversation, we must be open-minded and willing to listen to others. We also must be willing to own our part of the issue(s) at hand. Our truth is just that, ours. We do not know others’ truth until we ask them. Mutual respect should be established, so all parties are validated and heard. To aid in this, find common ground. While we are all different, we do share commonalities. By being authentic, we can remain in the conversation.
Master My Stories
Actions can speak louder than words. With that, we must be cautious in our interpretations of actions made by others. Our stories will likely not align with their motives. This is why open, honest communication is imperative for the success of any relationship. A conflict that started insignificantly could grow consequential if one does not master their stories. These stories are the scenarios we tell ourselves to justify others’ words and actions. Mastering our stories requires inner reflection. We can only control our behaviors and emotions. We must start there. To gain control, the focus should return to the facts in the matter. through understanding the facts, we can regain our emotions and think about issues rationally.
STATE My Path
Once we have established the issue that needs correction, how do we stay on course to that solution? We must remain open to the views of others. We also make sure we are still discussing the right topic. We do this by using the acronym STATE (Grenney et al., 2021):
- Sharing the facts
- Tell our stories
- Ask other person’s story
- Talk tentatively
- Encourage testing
Following the five steps presented, we can find compromise and success becomes more likely in our Crucial Conversations.
Move to Action
Where do we go after the Crucial Conversation is over? Well, it likely is not over, but the direction has shifted. Before discussions, we might have found ourselves in an impossible scenario. After a successful high stake discussion with all participants, those who have mastered dialogue will find that those lines of communication need to remain open. the survival and growth of relationships, professional or personal, depend on honest and open communication. To stay on track, Grenny et al. argue we must decide what the next steps for everyone involved are (2021). Timelines should be determined through the steps that remain in wrapping up any issues or concerns. Accountability can be addressed within the next steps and deadlines.
Although I am a good listener, I realize I do not hear much. I need to work on listening to others’ stories. This is most apparent in the formulation of my stories. My stories are not complete, and this leads to Crucial Conversations revolving around the wrong topics. I find little success in the issues that arise in relationships. Within relationships, there is not one person that bares the sole responsibility in all the areas of concern. We all have to shoulder our part of that burden. It is only until we do that that the right topics can be addressed in those vital discussions. Ultimately, the conflict will remain until we figure out our roles in these Crucial Conversations.
References
Grenny, J., Patterson, K., McMillan, R., Switzler, A., & Gregory, E. (2021). Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition. McGraw-Hill Education.









